You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Randomize
