there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
