so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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