There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Randomize
