...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
