I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
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