his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Randomize
