Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Randomize
