is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
