I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Randomize
