Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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