Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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