East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
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