I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
You left your phone here
Wait...
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