i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
