i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
