I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
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