idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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