i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Randomize
