shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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