he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
they call him Oral-B. enough said
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize
