To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Randomize
