i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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