I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
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