I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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