she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
