Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
