his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
