You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Randomize
