How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize