Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Randomize
