well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
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