You're completely useless in the revolution.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Randomize
