Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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