i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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