so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Randomize
