Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
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