my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
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