did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
It's never too late to be topless.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
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