I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Randomize
