i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
