This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Randomize
