Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
I lost the right to judge tonight
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize