I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
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