Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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