hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
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