I am spending my child support on dildos
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
