Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
