Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize