No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize