Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Sorry my hands just texted you
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
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