I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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