You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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