I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
