I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
