She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Randomize
