from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize