Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
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