my soul wont recognize me after tonight
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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