He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
