Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Randomize
