they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
