considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize