Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
