I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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