Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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