I wannas sexs uuuuu
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Randomize
