I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
