I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Randomize
