In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
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