I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Randomize
